Home Improvements

If you've ever looked at your dog and thought, wow, your life is great, what I would give for my life to be that easy. Well, I believe we can learn from dogs, and I'm writing a blog, with my dog Daisy, to teach people how to make life that easy.

Actually I started this blog to sell my e-books Jackpot and The Band, but that has now turned into a side gig.

Post for post Daisy and I are tackling life's challenges and world problems.

This is: Discussions With My Dog:

Last year, people in Britain spent a whopping £83 billion on home improvements – that’s a lot of cash. Whether it was poor planning, shoddy workmanship or just a dumb idea not everyone’s plans worked out as they fully expected. If you are thinking about a new project to spruce up the home first take a look over Daisy the dog’s suggestions.

 What makes a good home improvement

Security

You could spend over £10,000 on a high-tech security system, but there are cheaper alternatives:

Rig up the doorbell to a recording of ferocious barking.

Get one of those ‘I live here’ pictures of a Rottweiler or an Alsatian for the front window. For extra deterrent purchase a skeleton from the nearest hospital and scatter some gnawed human bones in the front garden. Burglars will give your house a wide berth.

Garden ornaments and shrubbery

You could plant your borders with expensive shrubs or you could dig some holes and plant butcher’s bones. This will be great entertainment for the dog over the next few weeks as he/she digs them up.

Sound proofing

Do you get awoken at midnight by the neighbour’s dog barking? That’s not the dog’s fault – your house has inferior quality double glazing. Only install new windows that have passed the ‘bark test’.

Decorating

Most home fashion magazines recommend decorating the walls in neutral colours. Your pet dog spends most of his/her day lounging around the house waiting for something to happen. They might be staring at wall for hours on end. If boring was a colour it would be magnolia. Be daring, paint the walls zingy yellow or furnace red.

And finally, a tip for the man of the house:

Always have a minimum of six unfinished DIY projects outstanding at any one time. Some days you just want to goof off and watch the football or read some shite on the internet. When your wife gets home demanding to know what you’ve been doing you can refer to having spent the last three hours ‘stormproofing the fence’ or ‘balancing the radiators’. She knows you’re lying but can’t prove it.

Alastair and Daisy