Basic Bitch

 If you've ever looked at your dog and thought, wow, your life is great, what I would give for my life to be that easy. Well, I believe we can learn from dogs, and I'm writing a blog, with my dog Daisy, to teach people how to make life that easy.

Actually I started this blog to sell my e-books Jackpot and The Band, but that has now turned into a side gig.

Post for post Daisy and I are tackling life's challenges and world problems.

This is: Discussions With My Dog:

When you get to my age, popular sub-culture can be a very mysterious place to venture. I recently heard my twenty-something daughters talking about a ‘basic bitch’. If I had been asked to define a 'basic bitch'. I might have guessed that’s what you ask for when you visit the dog rescue centre and you’re not bothered what breed to adopt. you just want a 'basic dog' or a 'basic bitch'.

It turns out to be something entirely different. These guys can explain in more detail

Being basic isn’t necessarily bad or unhealthy, it just means you follow all the popular trends and are somewhat lacking in originality. BUT if you’re fed up of following the crowd and want to stand out then you aspire to be a ‘BAD BITCH’. For hints and tips on being a bad bitch you need advice from an expert - Daisy the dog.

Here’s the Discussions with My Dog’s guide to correcting some of the most common basic bitch mistakes: 

1.       Your favourite places to order out are Starbucks and Dominos. Nobody in their right mind would give Daisy caffeine, it would be like throwing petrol on a fire. Daisy is, however, willing to compromise her bad bitch reputation on Domino’s, but she is also equally fond of many other brands of pizza.

2.   You have enough Lush bath products to last you until the end of the next century, or at least the next time you happen to be passing a cosmetics shop. Daisy thinks that baths are seriously over-rated, once or twice a year is more than sufficient. You may disagree but Daisy has a beautiful thick coat that glows in the sunlight. 

3. You Instagram message your friends with selfies using the cute dog filters – the one that transforms you with floppy ears and a puppy dog nose. Maybe time to grow up??

4.       Your wardrobe is dictated by popular designer brands. You own a pair of trainers that cost over £100 that you would never wear to the park because they might get dirty. Daisy loves running in the park and doing skid brake turns in the mud. That’s what trainers were made for.

5.       For entertainment you binge watch box sets of Friends and Sex in the City. Daisy suggests you refer to point 4) i.e. switch off the TV, put your filthy trainers on and let’s go for a run in the park.

6.       You have a tattoo with a mystic personal message in Chinese symbols. Basic mistake! Did you think the tattoo guy actually speaks Chinese? He just copied from the instruction leaflet for his mobile phone. Your intimate tattoo actually says something like ‘manufacturer’s warranty’.

Alastair and Daisy