The dogs bollocks awards

Today Discussions with My Dog proudly presents the very first “Dogs Bollocks Awards”. For a male dog, his most prized possessions are his testicles. He will spend hours licking them scrupulously clean. 

To be the ‘Dogs Bollocks’ means someone or something has reached a truly world class standard. By way of comparison a Dogs Bollocks award is roughly equivalent to 3 Academy Awards and 5 Golden Globes. 

The winners have been carefully selected by head judge Daisy.

#1 Sporting achievement
Check out this audacious back-heel volley by Chelsea legend Gianfranco Zola.

#2 World’s greatest invention
Nominations include Benjamin Franklin for electricity and Albert Einstein for something really complicated.
The winner is: Charles Goodyear for inventing the tennis ball. (Don’t blame me, these are Daisy’s picks).

#3 Most profound quotation from a film
“Be excellent to each other” – Bill and Ted.
Sounds like good advice.

#4 Pretentious Hobby
The winner is wine tasting. If wine’s that good, why do people spit it out? You don’t see guys at beer festivals spitting out the produce. It’s too valuable. Normal people know that wine comes in two flavours – red or white.

#5 Most inappropriate time to be desperately holding back a massive fart
“If anyone here knows any lawful reason why these two people should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace”.

#6 Time in history when a Sat Nav would have come in very handy
“I think Pizza Hut is over that way” Lord Lucan, 2 December 1854. Ten minutes before the Charge of the Light Brigade.

7# Best Boy Band of the 1990’s
We spent a long time researching the category. (For a dog 5 minutes is a long time). In the end we came up with a shortlist of … absolutely none. They were all terrible.
By default this award goes to: The Spice Girls.

#8 And finally, the Dogs Bollocks Award for ‘Holding back an avalanche’
Goes to Eddie Kaye Thomas, also known as Paul Finch. If you have not worked it out watch this clip.

Alastair and Daisy