Celebrity match

This is Discussions With My Dog.

In a previous blog Daisy and I gave some pointers on matchmaking between different types of dog and people.

Still having trouble deciding? It’s a well-known saying that a dog resembles their owners (or vice versa). Try matching your personality to the following film, TV or celebrity characters to find your ideal pooch.

Big mouth, big heart and able to drive a car with your bare feet?

Character = Fred Flintstone.
Dog = Dino. (Dino was more dinosaur than canine but something big, boisterous and daft as a box of frogs).

Nosy neighbour type, always needing to borrow a cup of sugar from next-door?

Character = Jim from Friday night dinner.

Dog = Wilson. Completely, unruly Alsatian.

Hopeless romantic, sensitive astro-physicist?

Character = Raj from Big Bang Theory.
Dog = Cinnamon. Yorkshire Terrier kitted out in matching attire with his / her owner.

Cool, confident, retired assassin? “If you harm my dog I will not hesitate to eliminate you,  your family and all your known associates.”

Character = John Wick.

Dog = Daisy the Beagle. (What a brilliant name for a dog).

Immaculate manners and infinitely well-respected personage?

Character = Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II.

Dog = a Corgi.

Smartly dressed, alien conspiracy theory believer?

Character – Agent Zed, Men in Black.

Dog = Frank the Pug.

Dirty rotten scoundrel?

Character = Dick Dastardly

Dog = Mutley, another dog of very uncertain background.

Ideal dog for a delinquent child. Likes soap-box go carts, catapults, scrumping apples and tormenting softies.

Character = Denis the Menace.

Dog = Gnasher, a wire-haired Abyssinian Terrier.

Goofy teenager with an obsession for fast food and haunted mansions.

Character = Shaggy.

Dog = Scooby Doo. Great Dane with an insatiable appetite.

Someone who works in the scrap metal industry and lives in a caravan.

Character – This dog doesn’t have an owner, but he’s very attached to his squeaky toy.
Dog - Bow from the film Snatch. Staffordshire Bull Terrier. 

And finally - despicable super villain, scheming to take over the world.

Character – Dr Evil.
Dog - Not exactly Mr Bigglesworth the cat!!

Alastair and Daisy

Lost in translation

If you've ever looked at your dog and thought, wow, your life is great, what I would give for my life to be that easy. Well, I believe we can learn from dogs, and I'm writing a blog, with my dog Daisy, to teach people how to make life that easy.

Actually I started this blog to sell my e-books Jackpot and The Band, but that has now turned into a side gig.

Post for post Daisy and I are tackling life's challenges and world problems.

This is Discussions With My Dog.

Have you ever tried to learn a foreign language?

The words are different and they are in a different order, sometimes even after you’ve mastered the words it still doesn’t translate the way you intended. It’s the same when people speak to dogs, as explained in the following scenarios:

Walkies

Me: Do you want to go for a walk?

Daisy: Do bears shit in the woods? Is the Pope Catholic?

Me: OK, calm down while I find the lead.

Daisy: I’m so excited 🎶 I’m going to bounce around the hallway like a demented space-hopper until we go out the door.

Share and share alike

Me: OMG who farted?

Daisy: C’mon what’s a small air biscuit between friends.

Me: What the heck have you been eating.

Daisy: If you let me have the left-over curry dish, there are bound to be consequences.

Catch me if you can... bitch

Me: I think you could do with a bath.

Daisy: Dumbass, you left the back door open. Good luck trying to catch me any time in the next half an hour.

Innocent until proven guilty

Me: Who chewed up the shoe/book/packaging

Daisy: It wasn’t me.🎶

Me: Who’s been snaffling food from the cupboard.

Daisy: It wasn’t me.

Me: Then what is all this ripped up packaging doing on the floor.

Daisy: They were empty when I found them.

I got 99 problems, but money aint 1

Me: You’ve lost your tennis ball. Go find it.

Daisy: Can’t remember where I dropped it.

Me: That’s the third one this week, now I have to go to the shop and buy more. Do you realise how much money this is costing?

Daisy: What’s money?

You don’t know what’s good for me!

Me: Please stop looking at me like that.

Daisy: That was my ‘hungry eyes expression’🎶. If you don’t like that, I can do ‘absolutely famished’ or ‘edge of starvation’.

Me: You wouldn’t like what I’m eating.

Daisy: I think I would be the best judge of that.

Me: This type of food isn’t designed for dogs. It will make you fat.

Daisy: Now I’m being deprived of food and exercise!!!?

Here's a great example of words getting lost in translation:

Deck maintanence - keeping it hard

Alastair and Daisy

What dog should I get?

If you've ever looked at your dog and thought, wow, your life is great, what I would give for my life to be that easy. Well, I believe we can learn from dogs, and I'm writing a blog, with my dog Daisy, to teach people how to make life that easy.

Actually I started this blog to sell my e-books Jackpot and The Band, but that has now turned into a side gig.

Post for post Daisy and I are tackling life's challenges and world problems.

This is Discussions With My Dog.

I sometimes wonder how I ended up getting a dog like Daisy.

If you are considering acquiring a dog but not sure which breed is right for you, I have devised a simple multiple-choice test to help.

 My perfect match test

Score yourself; 1 point for answer (a), 2 points for answer (b), 3 for (c) and 4 for (d).

1/ How important do you consider recall? 

(If you don’t know what recall means, please refer to my previous post …  "about Daisy"

(a) Very important, my dog should come when called.

(b) My dog should come if I raise my voice.

(c) My dog will come if bribed with a treat.

(d) Purely optional, my dog will come when it’s ready.

2/ If the doorbell rings during dinner, would you...

(a) Go directly to the door?

(b) First put your plate in a high place away from the dog’s temptation?

(c) First lock your dinner in a cupboard?

(d) Ignore the doorbell knowing if you return after 5 minutes the dinner will be history?

3/ During dinner time, would your dog be...

(a) In a kennel?

(b) Lying under the table minding its own business?

(c) Beside your chair patiently waiting for a treat?

(d) Sitting eye-level with the table and may resort to drooling if not fed?

4/ If your dog slipped the lead, and you have to pursue it, are you…

(a) Hopelessly unfit, couldn’t jog more than 50 yards if your life depended on it?

(b) Quite fit, can run 1 mile?

(c) Usain Bolt?

(d) Know when you’re beaten and wait for the dog to return in its own sweet time?

5/ Is your garden

(a) Non-existent, you live in a flat?

(b) A townhouse courtyard?

(c) Neatly trimmed lawns and flower beds?

(d) Needs work but has several trees that are home to squirrels?

6/ How should your dog smell?

(a) Pleasantly perfumed.

(b) Just a whiff of doggyness.

(c) Like a wet sock that has been at the bottom of the washing basket for a week.

(d) Jasmine and dead sea salt because he/she rolled in something unmentionable when you were out for a walk and you’ve just given him/her another bath.

7/ What sort of dog person are you?

(a) You would buy fashion accessories for your little darling

(b) An average dog owner

(c) A gamekeeper or country type

(d) Like the honest chaps in this video clip?

Now tally up your score and find your compatible pet

Less than 9 points          – let’s face it, you don’t understand dogs, get a cat or a goldfish.

From 10 to 16 points      – a poodle, chihuahua or possibly a fat terrier.

From 17 to 24 points      – proper dog owners - Spaniels, Labradors, Alsatians.

25 points +                      – congratulations you are brave/daft/mad enough 
                                            to get a Lurcher.

Alastair and Daisy