10 recreational uses for toilet roll

If you've ever looked at your dog and thought, wow, your life is great, what I would give for my life to be that easy. Well, I believe we can learn from dogs, and I'm writing a blog, with my dog Daisy, to teach people how to make life that easy.

Actually I started this blog to sell my e-books Jackpot and The Band, but that has now turned into a side gig.

Post for post Daisy and I are tackling life's challenges and world problems.

This is Discussions With My Dog.

Why have supermarket shelves in the United Kingdom been stripped bare of toilet roll?

If you had to panic buy essential supplies to survive the Corona virus lock-down, would your most urgent requirement be toilet roll? 

Apart from the obvious, what can you actually do with immense quantities of toilet roll? 

Here’s a few suggestions for the hoarders who will be looking at the toilet roll mountain taking up every available square foot of space in their garage.

1. Install a toilet in every room in the house.

2. Wrap your entire body in toilet tissue to become a Mummy for Halloween

3. Actually, there’s enough for the whole family to have matching Mummy costumes.

4. Climb to the roof of a tall building, hold the roll by the loose end and drop it. It serves no practical purpose but it’s fun to watch.

5. Make a full scale Tyrannosaurus Rex from toilet roll paper mâché.

6. See exactly how much soggy toilet paper can be crammed into someone’s shoe. To gain maximum effect for this practical joke, if your victim has several pairs of shoes stuff one shoe from every pair.

7. Put on your baggiest clothes and stuff them with toilet rolls. With the protective padding you can now perform dangerous stunts such as jumping off a dining room chair onto a mound of toilet rolls. 

8. Recreate the Valley of the Kings by building toilet roll pyramids in your garden. If people can’t travel on holiday, let’s bring the seven wonders of the world here.

9. Use the cardboard tubes to construct the world’s longest hamster tunnel.

10. Use it as gift wrapping paper. Unfortunately you’ve blown your whole budget on toilet roll so the only gift you have to wrap is a multi-pack of toilet roll.

I asked Daisy how we might solve the national shortage of toilet paper. She went outside to give a simple demonstration and took a shit in the garden. I promptly went out and disposed of the turd in a dog poop bag. If you pop down the supermarket you’ll find they have a plentiful supply of dog poop bags.