If you've ever looked at your dog and thought, wow, your life is great, what I would give for my life to be that easy. Well, I believe we can learn from dogs, and I'm writing a blog, with my dog Daisy, to teach people how to make life that easy.
Actually I started this blog to sell my e-books Jackpot and The Band, but that has now turned into a side gig.
Post for post Daisy and I are tackling life's challenges and world problems.
This is Discussions With My Dog.
Beware of LOCK DOWN FEVER
This has some unintended consequences, one of which is an outbreak of another highly contagious ailment. It can manifest in less than a week and you don’t have to have been in contact another infected person to catch it 😓
Fortunately, it’s not physically harmful - it’s inside your head – I call it LOCK DOWN FEVER.
LOCK DOWN FEVER can affect different people in different ways. Here are just a few of the bizarre symptoms that middle-aged men are especially prone to:
1. You become highly possessive over toilet paper and will reprimand family members who use more sheets than is necessary. (This symptom does not apply to toilet paper hoarders who were the subject of myprevious blog).
2. Instinctively you know that food might be the best cure for Lock Down fever. Most types of food work although some food groups are more effective than others: ice-cream, chocolate and crisps. Sufferers may experience an allergic reaction to salad.
3. You have considered taking up various forms of exercise. Unfortunately, the ones that you would be really good at can only be performed in places where you are banned from going to.
4. Mysteriously many of your clothes have shrunk in the washing machine so you are forced to wear Lock Down fever gear – a baggy tee shirt and fat pants. Scientists have noticed a strong correlation between symptom’s 2, 3 and 4.
5. Before lock-down you thought the biggest thing in existence was the universe, an ever-expanding mass of deep space. Now you realise there is something bigger, the amount of shite available on the internet (you’re reading some of it now).
6. You are seriously considering becoming a transvestite, you’ve even picked out a few stylish outfits from internet retailers. After your permitted ‘hour outside’ you can pull on a wig and a frock and leave the house as a completely different person. The nosey neighbours don’t realise that “Mandy” is actually you, having a sneaky extra hour outside. You are wondering if you actually need to shave your legs to perfect the disguise.
7. You’ve dug out and listened to CD’s that you can’t remember you owned. This is how we entertained ourselves before social media. Some of it is surprisingly good. Some of it was obviously an unwanted gift.
8. After two weeks with the family you’ve checked out a couple of promising websites. Do-it-yourself-divorce.com and DNA test kits. The kids are so bloody annoying you can’t understand how they can be your offspring.
9. You have considered setting up a number of business ventures to help your local community through this difficult time and make a little profit for yourself. For example, converting the conservatory into a UV lit greenhouse for growing marijuana. The scheme also involves setting up an online store to sell recreational drugs to alleviate fellow Lock-Down fever sufferers. Unfortunately, you don’t have a clue how to do any of this.
10. If the two worst pub football teams in the country were playing at Wembley stadium tomorrow and you could watch them – you would gladly pay £50 even if you had to dress in a full protective haz-chem suit. You’d be there along with 89,999 others.
You might be wondering where Daisy fits into this blog? Quite simple – she is a dog and she needs a walk. So, I have a legitimate excuse to go out.
Alastair and Daisy
"7. You’ve dug out and listened to CD’s that you can’t remember you owned. This is how we entertained ourselves before social media. Some of it is surprisingly good."
ReplyDeleteI've been listening to my forgotten Frank Marino (Mahogany Rush) CDs. They might keep me entertained for years. I often get stuck on listening to one album for months, sometimes years. Rainbow On Stage stayed in my little pickup truck's CD player for 4 or 5 years.
I've been listening to a lot of my old hard rock CD's the past two years. I've really grown fond of Deep Purple Mk. 1. I bought The Book of Taliesyn when I was a teenager in the 1980s. I liked it but never thought it was great at that time. In my 50s, I've grown to think much more of it. Now wonder the British Army was such a devastating force at times. With songs like Wring That Neck, it can put a man on a highly spirited march.
I've also grown to think, Deep Purple's version of Hey Joe is better than Jimi Hendrix's version. I can't think of any other song that somebody did a better version than Jimi Hendrix could.
Take care of yourself Billy,
GregT