How your dog can motivate you to do sport

Everyone knows the importance of exercise. Daisy loves a run in the woods or on the beach. Unlike dogs most people prefer to take their exercise in a gym. So, this week, we get Daisy’s take on what the gym has to offer:

The squash court – She watched some guys whacking a rubber ball against the wall for a couple of minutes. Unfortunately, Daisy doesn’t play the same rules. She ran across the court, snapped up the ball and it hasn’t been seen since.

The weights room – not much to see here, mostly jar heads and posers.

The running machine – a bunch of people pretending to be hamsters on a treadmill.

Spin class – some ladies inside hamster balls.

The exercise bikes – another bunch of people going nowhere, only they’re going nowhere faster than the ones on the hamster treadmill.

The swimming pool – after a run through the woods Daisy loves to cool off in the water. Her favourite pool looks a bit different. 

The shower room – I reminded Daisy this is what happens to dogs after they go swimming the dirty pond. Daisy thought it was about time to leave.

We finished our introductory tour of the gym. The rep asked us if I would like to become a member. They were doing a special deal for £50 a month. Unfortunately, dogs are not welcome. Daisy and I are off to the woods.

Alastair and Daisy

The Danger of "one-click" Shopping

If you live in Britain today, you very probably have a mobile phone or a computer, and that device gives you access to your Amazon account. An Amazon account is the cyber-portal to a treasure trove of shit to buy or, in my case, an endless amount of shit for my wife to buy. Even more dangerously the Amazon account is linked to my credit card.

A few days ago, a parcel arrived in the post, it wasn’t my birthday or Christmas and I don’t remember ordering anything, but it was addressed to me. I opened it to find a large multi-pack of dental sticks. For those who are not familiar with dental sticks, they are marketed as a product to keep your dog’s teeth clean. A sort of edible tooth brush. The idea is the dog slowly chews the stick and the chewing action removes the plaque from their teeth. I don’t know what dental sticks are made from, but dogs absolutely love them. Daisy can scoff one down in less than a minute, which rather defeats the objective of cleaning her teeth.

Daisy is a Lurcher. A Lurcher isn’t the sort of dog who would consider stealing a tasty morsel as wrong. The Lurcher will simply work out how to get their snout into the cupboard or saucepan that contains the tasty morsel. The Lurcher will wait patiently until the coast is clear before making their move. They are crafty and seldom leave any evidence behind – maybe the odd piece of chewed up packaging. A Lurcher is always on the look out for an opportunity to help themselves to a snack.

So, I had a vision. My wife was trawling around Amazon looking for inspiration for something to buy. She was interested in something vaguely dog related and was on a page advertising dental sticks when the doorbell rang. Daisy was sitting by the untended computer. The cursor is hovering over the icon for a packet of dental sticks which attract her attention. Daisy hops onto the chair and steadies herself by placing a paw on the desk. Her paw hits the mouse and she has just added a packet of dental sticks to her shopping cart.

The ever helpful Amazon website prompts ‘Why not order a multi-pack’? Daisy moves her paw and instantly upgrades herself to a multipack. The website recommends placing a recurring monthly order for dental sticks. Daisy thinks that is a jolly good idea.

Amazon wants to know how she is going to pay? Dad’s credit card of course.

Finally, does Daisy want express next day delivery at an extra £1.99? Do bears shit in the woods? Of course she does.

So, you can see the dangers of ‘one click’ shopping.  I’m going to be watching the post next month to see if another box of dental sticks arrive.

Alastair and Daisy

The Dating Game

 If you've ever looked at your dog and thought, wow, your life is great, what I would give for my life to be that easy. Well, I believe we can learn from dogs, and I'm writing a blog, with my dog Daisy, to teach people how to make life that easy.

Actually I started this blog to sell my e-books Jackpot and The Band, but that has now turned into a side gig.

Post for post Daisy and I are tackling life's challenges and world problems.

This is: Discussions With My Dog:

Computers appear to have taken control of how people find relationships in the modern world. The theory is solid; there are hundreds or thousands of potential Mr or Mrs Rights out there, and a computer programme can help you whittle out the non-contenders. Does relying on technology mean we are losing some of the old inter-personal skills? Do you just end up dating people who can write the most convincing online profiles or failed contestants from Love Island with the personality of a brick?

Who needs computer dating? Success with romance is no more difficult than how a good owner would treat their best canine friend. Just follow the advice of Daisy the Dog and you’ll soon be sweeping your new date off their feet:

Don’t be a cheapskate. A gentleman always pays for dinner at the restaurant on a first date. Daisy knows the difference between standard dog food and treats.

Go somewhere nice. Driving to the beach or the woods involves a bit more planning and effort than a walk around the block. Does the place you are visiting have rabbits or squirrels?

Don’t cancel at short notice because you can’t be arsed. Come rain or shine Daisy needs a walk EVERY day. Slacking off won’t be tolerated.

An inexpensive but thoughtful gift creates a good impression. Your new lady friend might not react by dancing around like a flamenco dancer on drugs at the sight of a tennis ball (what Daisy does), but it’s the thought that counts.

Perhaps your date has spent the afternoon at the beauty salon and spent £100 on a lavish makeover. Maybe the spray tan turned out that radioactive orange colour or the hair style is a disaster zone (see below). Sometimes it’s better to just pretend the elephant in the room doesn’t exist. An ideal place for a first date could be the zoo, somewhere an elephant in the room isn’t actually going to be that noticeable - just don’t mention it.    

Alastair and daisy