How to blag a holiday during Covid-19 Lockdown

 

Can you remember the last time you took a holiday somewhere in the sun? 

When do you think you might next get away? Not any time soon because the Government has slapped a Covid-19 ban on foreign travel except in exceptional circumstances.

Courtesy of Discussions with My Dog, here are a couple of ideas of what might help you get that ‘exceptional circumstances’ ticket.

Option 1

Appeal for charitable donations for some worthy cause. Say you are going to cross the Atlantic Ocean in a 10-foot rowing boat. Organise a big press event to watch you paddle away from the British shore in the rowboat. About 2 miles out you get picked up by a luxury yacht which you have chartered with the charitable donations and cruise to an idyllic island in the Caribbean. Nobody will expect you back for a few months, by which time they will have forgotten about where the charitable donations went.

Option 2

Set up a company called ‘Essential Business Travel' on the application, list the company directors as you and a few of your drinking buddies. Apply for permission to go abroad for ‘‘Essential Business Travel’. You are bound to be approved.

Why does my dog stare at me when it's taking a shit??

Why do dogs stare at you when they are taking a shit??

🐕💩

Scientists believe it is because they feel vulnerable and they are checking to make sure you will be 

there for protection if an unfavourable situation arises.

😕 I have two questions ⁇ –

1. How exactly did the scientist(s) come to this conclusion?

and...

2. How much money did they blag from the university research grant to carry out this ground

breaking investigation?

I guess...

It’s really quite a genius project. The whole team got paid for standing around watching dogs take a

shit. 

The only thing more difficult than proving their theory is correct is proving they are wrong.

But, in my opinion...

Yesterday as I was waiting for Daisy to finish her business. She looked me straight in the eye and the

message I was picking up was “Good luck cleaning up with that tiny polythene bag. I’ve left a huge

pile and it’s 85% liquid”.

Confessions of a bored housewife

 

Raise your hand if you were expecting to see porno when you clicked on this link. Sorry, if your fantasy has just been drenched by a bucket of ice-cold reality.

When a bored housewife wakes up in the morning, she has a few options.

1.       Clean the kitchen

2.       Dust the house from top to bottom

3.       Take the dog for a walk.

4.       Log on to Amazon and buy something frivolous

99% of the time they go option 4. Shortly afterwards she remembers that the credit card has been maxed out but since the phone / tablet / PC is switched on she may as well browse social media and some random shit on-line.

Three hours later bored housewife realises she has wasted the whole morning down some internet rabbit hole. This is followed by a guilt attack and an intense desire to do something creative to compensate for those lost hours. Whilst browsing the internet she came across a video of a guy walking face first into a plate glass door he thought was open. That was LOL funny.

She decides to recreate the incident herself. This is what we ended up with …