Marvellous Inventions

Sorry, Discussions with my Dog has been off air for a while. Our medieval life coach, Sir Dickon, has been trapped 💁 in the 14th century due to Covid 19 travel restrictions ⛔.

This week, Sir Dickon gives us his view on the invention of the mobile phone.

If you want to send a message long distance in the middle ages, you first had to find a 👴person who could write, pay the cost of a piece of parchment (about £10 in todays money), and send it by horseback - 💲very slow and expensive. The last posting date for Xmas cards was in September 🎅.

BUT...

1) Nobody received junk mail ✉

2) If you were out on the lash, your wife couldn't pester you to find out when you would be home

3) The world didn't stop turning because nobody "liked" your latest selfie 😭 

That being said, on the whole, Sir Dickon thinks mobile phones are a valuable contribution to society because he can access PornHub on the move 💪 😏.  

5 things your dog would like to humbly apologise for

("While Sir Lancelot had his eye on Lady Marjorie's bishop, Sir Dickon had his hand on her sister's left breast".)

 In 1776 Thomas Jefferson famously quoted “Not all men are created equal”. It’s true, some people are more gifted than others. Of course, it doesn’t help when their ego is bigger than their talent. We like our stars better when they have a streak of humanity.

It’s the same in the dog world. It’s a characteristic of being a lurcher that Daisy thinks she is awesome. But she also knows there are times to show you humble side, for instance;

When you’ve just launched an air biscuit that has people’s eyes watering and gagging for breath. You have to (at least) pretend you are very sorry and blame it on what they fed you.

When you’ve done a huge sloppy dump on the pavement that someone has to scrape up with a tiny plastic bag. Again, apologise and blame it on what you were fed.

When you’re drooling at the dinner table. Blame it on what they haven’t fed you.

When you’ve abandoned your tennis ball in the long grass for the third time that week. Make an effort of going to look for it - in the opposite direction of where you left it.

When you wake everyone up at midnight barking at the bottom of the garden. Sorry, but people really needed to know a fox was passing through the neighbour’s property.

A humble apology means you can do exactly the same thing again tomorrow.

How to blag a holiday during Covid-19 Lockdown

 

Can you remember the last time you took a holiday somewhere in the sun? 

When do you think you might next get away? Not any time soon because the Government has slapped a Covid-19 ban on foreign travel except in exceptional circumstances.

Courtesy of Discussions with My Dog, here are a couple of ideas of what might help you get that ‘exceptional circumstances’ ticket.

Option 1

Appeal for charitable donations for some worthy cause. Say you are going to cross the Atlantic Ocean in a 10-foot rowing boat. Organise a big press event to watch you paddle away from the British shore in the rowboat. About 2 miles out you get picked up by a luxury yacht which you have chartered with the charitable donations and cruise to an idyllic island in the Caribbean. Nobody will expect you back for a few months, by which time they will have forgotten about where the charitable donations went.

Option 2

Set up a company called ‘Essential Business Travel' on the application, list the company directors as you and a few of your drinking buddies. Apply for permission to go abroad for ‘‘Essential Business Travel’. You are bound to be approved.