Why does my dog stare at me when it's taking a shit??

Why do dogs stare at you when they are taking a shit??

🐕💩

Scientists believe it is because they feel vulnerable and they are checking to make sure you will be 

there for protection if an unfavourable situation arises.

😕 I have two questions ⁇ –

1. How exactly did the scientist(s) come to this conclusion?

and...

2. How much money did they blag from the university research grant to carry out this ground

breaking investigation?

I guess...

It’s really quite a genius project. The whole team got paid for standing around watching dogs take a

shit. 

The only thing more difficult than proving their theory is correct is proving they are wrong.

But, in my opinion...

Yesterday as I was waiting for Daisy to finish her business. She looked me straight in the eye and the

message I was picking up was “Good luck cleaning up with that tiny polythene bag. I’ve left a huge

pile and it’s 85% liquid”.

Confessions of a bored housewife

 

Raise your hand if you were expecting to see porno when you clicked on this link. Sorry, if your fantasy has just been drenched by a bucket of ice-cold reality.

When a bored housewife wakes up in the morning, she has a few options.

1.       Clean the kitchen

2.       Dust the house from top to bottom

3.       Take the dog for a walk.

4.       Log on to Amazon and buy something frivolous

99% of the time they go option 4. Shortly afterwards she remembers that the credit card has been maxed out but since the phone / tablet / PC is switched on she may as well browse social media and some random shit on-line.

Three hours later bored housewife realises she has wasted the whole morning down some internet rabbit hole. This is followed by a guilt attack and an intense desire to do something creative to compensate for those lost hours. Whilst browsing the internet she came across a video of a guy walking face first into a plate glass door he thought was open. That was LOL funny.

She decides to recreate the incident herself. This is what we ended up with …

CRIME AND PUNISHMENT

 

We continue our series of Tales from Sir Dickon, a 14^th Century Knight of the Realm, magically transported to the 21^st Century to become a modern-day life coach.

I read on the internet that 18 months ago they changed the law in California, so theft of goods valued at less than $1,000 would be treated as a misdemeanour rather than a felony. (Unlike some things on this blog page, this shit is actually true). Consequently, incidents of shoplifting have shot through the roof.

Back in medieval times, crime levels were very low because there was an effective system of punishments. Sir Dickon explains;

Today the authorities go through a long, drawn-out process of taking people to court. A trial isn’t necessary if you have a confession. Criminals who were interviewed on the rack in the 14^th Century, provided a full signed confession in 100% of cases. The rack is a torture device which is designed to slowly winch a person’s arms out of the sockets.

Once they have confessed, medieval judges could sentence an offender a whole range a grisly punishments including:

- hanging

- beheading,

- being boiled alive,

- being burnt alive

and the classic…

- hung, drawn, and quartered

The reoffending rate in the 14^th Century was Nil.

I asked Sir D if he is aware of any punishments in the 21^st Century that might be considered even more terrifying than the middle ages. He informed me there is – free tickets to see Justin Bieber, not just one show – the whole damn tour!