The 1,000-Yard Stare

We continue our series of tales from Sir Dickon, a 14^th Century Knight of the Realm, magically transported to the 21^st Century to become a modern-day life coach.

In the middle-ages, taking part in a battle was a terrifying ideal. Most of the fighting was at close quarters, with the opposing forces stabbing, hacking, and bludgeoning each other to death with spears, swords, and axes.

Before battle commenced it was important to show a brave face. If your army was 5,000 strong at the bottom of the hill facing a force of 7,000 atop the hill, you needed the 1,000-yard stare. To focus, steely eyed, on a point 1,000-yards beyond the enemy – as if they didn’t exist – show no fear.

Sir D has come across a few occasions in modern life where the 1,000-yard stare can be invaluable.

Situation 1 – out on your Sunday afternoon stroll you accidentally wander into a nudist camp. If this was the movies the nudists would all be exotic lingerie models. In real life they are mostly over 60 with an average weight of 20 stone - the only safe place to look is 1,000 yards ahead.

Situation 2 – walking the dog you are approaching a busy intersection. There are queues of traffic and people everywhere. The dog decides here is the ideal spot to deposit a huge sloppy shit – put on a brave & impassive face as you scrape shit off the sidewalk.

Situation 3 – you have just sent your teenage son / daughter a carefully worded, fully punctuated text on your mobile phone. It’s taken you 20 minutes to write.
He / she pings you back in 10 seconds. The message is six emoji’s  - no words. You haven’t a clue what any of it means - remember parenting is mostly about pretending you know everything. Keep calm and carry on. You'll feel better at Christmas when their eagerly await gift turns out to be a dictionary.