Doctor, doctor...NOOOOO!!!

 

We continue our series of tales from Sir Dickon, a 14^th Century Knight of the Realm, magically transported to the 21^st Century to become a modern-day life coach.

Anyone having a problem booking a doctor’s appointment at the moment? 

Where are all the doctors? You might get the impression that they are all on an extended Coronavirus holiday 😷🌴😎.

In the 14^th Century visiting the Doctor 👴 was a risky business. There was a good chance the prescription was more likely to poison, injure or kill you than cure you. 😥. Sir Dickon gives us an insight 👀 ;

Symptom - a headache 😈

Cure – Trepanation. 

Headaches were caused by a demon trapped inside your head, rampaging around. The physician would drill a hole in your skull to let the demons out. Obvious when you think about it! 

But how did the demon get in to begin with?

Symptom – painful throat, stomach, chest, arse etc.

Cure – Blood letting. 

The doctor would drain blood to rebalance the fluids in your body. The blood loss caused the patient to become dizzy and disorientated, generally forgetting why they were feeling unwell in the first place 😵

Symptom – Syphilis, a common venereal disease.

Cure – quicksilver, better known as mercury was injected into your private parts. Interestingly mercury did result in some initial improvement in the condition, until the unpleasant side effects kicked in 😟

And finally …

Sir Dickon: “My wife has been nagging a lot lately. I think she might be a witch”. 👵

Doctor: “We will have to run some tests. We will dunk her in the village pond. If she floats it proves she is a witch and we’ll burn her at the stake. If she sinks, she’s innocent”.

Sir Dickon: “How much do I owe you for this consultation”?

Doctor: “5 shillings”.

Sir Dickon: “Cheaper than a divorce”. 😁

Ancient Chinese proverbs and other sayings as retold by Sir Dickon

 Old Sayings...

We continue our series of tales from Sir Dickon, a 14^th Century Knight of the Realm, magically transported to the 21^st Century to become a modern-day life coach.

Do you ever wonder where ‘old fashioned sayings’ come from? 

I’ve tested out some on Sir Dickon, to find out if they were the same in the Middle Ages? It turns out that over the centuries the sayings have lost some of their original context.  

For example

21^st C – There’s no use crying over spilt milk.

14^th C – There’s no use crying over spilt milk, but you may weep silently over spilt beer.

21^st C - Don’t keep a dog and bark yourself.

14^th C - Don’t keep a dog and bark yourself – unless you are doing your best Scooby Doo's ancestor impression.

21^st C - Actions speak louder than words.

14^th C – Actions speak louder than words, especially when you’ve been eating beans.

21^st C - Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

The last one didn’t exist in the Middle Ages. When you could die in a multitude of hideous ways such as disease, being stoned to death, burnt at the stake or hung drawn and quartered. Getting through the day with just a poke in the eye with a stick was an absolute luxury.

Marvellous Inventions

Sorry, Discussions with my Dog has been off air for a while. Our medieval life coach, Sir Dickon, has been trapped 💁 in the 14th century due to Covid 19 travel restrictions ⛔.

This week, Sir Dickon gives us his view on the invention of the mobile phone.

If you want to send a message long distance in the middle ages, you first had to find a 👴person who could write, pay the cost of a piece of parchment (about £10 in todays money), and send it by horseback - 💲very slow and expensive. The last posting date for Xmas cards was in September 🎅.

BUT...

1) Nobody received junk mail ✉

2) If you were out on the lash, your wife couldn't pester you to find out when you would be home

3) The world didn't stop turning because nobody "liked" your latest selfie 😭 

That being said, on the whole, Sir Dickon thinks mobile phones are a valuable contribution to society because he can access PornHub on the move 💪 😏.